| so today i felt like writing about how my life has been?? hahaha i dunno.
So lately, I have been THE laziest ever! I mean, damn! hahaha. Junior year I thought I was gonna get my act straight and do good in school, respect my parents more, get my priorities straight, and get so much closer to God. In the beginning, I was getting my priorities straight, or at least I started to, but then that laziness in me jjust hit me so hard! So, i fell. I was getting so much closer to God, but now, I dont even talk to him. After that retreat i went to, i thought that was the one that would change me so much, it did, in the beginning. But i fell hard, i mean, i aint depressed or sad like i was before [thank God], but I AM far away from God. I still talk to him here and there, but only wen i need things. Hmm. now to think of it - i got so much more selfish then i was before! I guess my problem is that im not thankful as much as i should be. One day, it'll hit me.
School has been a stress as usual. My grades are better than last semseter! But its weird, and amazing what God has been doing in my life with school. For example, on my math tests, i didnt even study until lunch on the day of my testing which is right before my alg.2 class. I studied for like 30 min and then guess wat i got, a B! I thought i didnt know crap about it, i thoguht i was gonna get a F!! But God, for some reason, decided to give me a B, and for some reason, God helped me through the Test. Why would he do that? hmmm.
Family? Man, i don't even call my family, family. We are so far from each other. I say all these things, but i dont do anything about it. Sad. Im thankful that i have a family who provides me everything i NEED. I acutally like it that i dont even talk to my parents, or they rarely call me wen im out to check on me, like they dont care. I like it. Its weird. But i know something is wrong with that. That aint family ya feeel? haha - Its so weird if we talk serious, i try to avoid it. I try to avoid conversations with them. I guess we aint a family cuz of me. I know i should do all these things for them, but i dont ... and i dont want to or i know i NEED to, but i dont want to. ahhh confusing. Family has always been in my head everyday, wondering - what should i do? - talk to them - damn i dunno i dont like to be serious with them. its weird.
family has always been part of my prayers since i accepted Christ.
Friends. My center of my life. My everything. I would go crazy if i didnt have them. All i have to say about my friends is that they are AWESOME! but they are in the wrong place in my life. Center is, or I KNOW, is not supposed to be their spot. I know God is supposed to right there. It's so hard .. If God told me to let go my friends right now, to tell the truth of where i am right now, i dont think i would be able to. I love them more than my family, which is more sad.
another thing ive been praying about lately.
My God. I'm pretty freakin far. My friends been tellin me, and i have been noticing is that i care so much of what other people think, when i should care ONLY of what God thinks. I dont even know what to say about this subject, except that fact that im so far from him right now. Hmm.. i havent been caring so much about things lately. Im back to that stage where when i pray, i feel like im praying to no one, but of course i know He's there, but i dunno. Its hard to explain. I miss that feeling where i feel secure, where i know everything will be alright, where ill trust in Him and know that i shouldn't worry, where im NOT LAZYY, where im in joy in whatever situation im in. I miss Him. But i dont do anything about it.
ah. laziness kills me.
im not lost.
i know where i am at.
I juss need to walk and walk and walk.
never give up.
but before i do that, i needa pray
for His strength.
and for this laziness to get out of my system!
IF YOU READ THIS YOURE AWESOME!! hahahahahha
hope you enjoyed whoeever read this haha!
have a great spring break for everyone who has one this week 
payyyce.
<3. |
